


Stages of Grief

by silver_doe287



Series: Clerith One-Shots [7]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/M, One last goodbye, og spoilers, this one made me cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26322121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_doe287/pseuds/silver_doe287
Summary: The war is over, and Cloud - still working to piece together memories he'd lost - visits where Zack died to finally begin the healing he needs to do. Only...he isn't alone.Day 7 Prompt for Clerith Week: Hollow.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife
Series: Clerith One-Shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150871
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Stages of Grief

A late fall sun beat down on the back of his neck, gently warming the skin there like a comforting hand. His shadow rutted into the landscape and transformed the elongated figure attached in strange, inhuman shapes. Feet stepped slowly but surely against the gravel, finding the path they carved like he had walked it every day of his life.  


The only sound around him was a gentle, cold breeze that nipped at his bare arms. Cloud withheld a slight shiver. The air was crisp and dusty in his nose, reminding him that the world was dying – not for real this time, but in the annual cycle of all things. Fall would turn into a bitter, dead winter. Winter would relent into a soft, green spring. Grass would grow here again, and flowers – he bit his lip as emotion threatened to overwhelm him – would bloom again. For now, the dry, barren wasteland outside the former metropolis of Midgar offered no sweet return to paradise, but rather the now familiar emptiness at the top of a cliff.  


While not all his memories had come back to him yet, the important ones had: the memories that had led him on his journey to the man he was now. The once missing five years were slowly stitching themselves together each day, weaving a tale of pain, fear, and loss. His hands clenched silently as he slowed to a stop on the top of the cliffside overlooking the city, eyes glued to the spot.  


It was just as he had left it, except without the stain of fresh blood, without the bitter taste of copper that had hung in the air. The echoes of a great, uneven battle resurfaced only in his mind. He turned his head slightly and stared at a spot just hidden behind a splattering of rocks. His feet found momentum again as he strode over to the spot, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.  


Feet halted their movement as he discovered what he had known was already here: this was where Zack had stashed him before his final fight. He found himself turning around, folding onto his knees as he stared out at the view. A little to the right…yes. This was the spot.  


Cloud sighed and closed his eyes, letting only one small teardrop fall. Most of the small moments of those five years were still absent, but of this he was sure. He was here when Zack was shot. He let his other senses pick up anything they could tell him – the rocks above him blocked the breeze. The sun shone brightly in his face, making the vision behind his eyelids a brilliant orange. Here, he thought he could detect the smell of mako again. He breathed in evenly.  


After a few moments of this, Cloud stood back up and moved over to the next spot. He stood where he had stood last time, turned to face as he had before, and stared at the bare expanse of rock that stretched out beneath him. Last time he had stood here, Zack had been here. They had been here together. Zack was still smiling at him, even as his dying words left his lips.  


Cloud shuddered again, this time not because of the wind, and he crossed his arms, turning his face away and staring at the ruins of Midgar. He felt exposed and alone, once again in the mindset of somebody who had lost years of his life and felt much too innocent in a threatening world. The adrenaline of the past few weeks, their march across the planet to stop Sephiroth, all fell away in his mind, only to be replaced by a raw, deep sadness.  


Cloud sank to the ground on the edge of the cliff, facing Midgar and letting his legs dangle off the side of the cliff. He distantly remembered that fateful night in Nibelheim with Tifa again, and the promise he had made her. How the times had changed.  


His hand splayed behind him, holding up his weight as he leaned heavily on it. He brought his other gloved hand to his face, wiping the tears that met his cheeks. The hollow emotion threatened to overwhelm him as he remembered the worst loss of all. While learning of Zack’s fall was a painful rip at a bandage splayed across his broken mind, Aerith’s death had been like a sword piercing his own heart. He gasped and clutched at the fabric on his chest, only minutely trying to stem the sobs that threatened to wrack through his body. A part of him was gently scolding, reminding him that he was an adult now and needed to act like one. But this thought dissipated quickly, replaced with the overwhelming urge to yell.  


He had lost her: the sweetest, bravest, woman he had ever met who had taught his emotions to heal and accept who he was. She had torn down the tough exterior, seen right through his strong charade. She had stood by his side and fought with him. She had accepted the punishment that his warped mind had doled out against her. She never held his many, many faults against him. Instead, she had accepted him. And she had been the sacrifice needed to save the planet.  


From _him._  


Cloud shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, letting the sun return to its orange haze against his closed eyelids. She had been everything. And now she was gone.  


_Silly,_ a voice whispered.  


Cloud jolted a bit. His eyes flew open and he blinked rapidly a couple times, fighting the bleached vision the sun had left him. He turned his head and looked from side to side, certain he was imagining things again. It wouldn’t be the first time, and probably wouldn’t be the last. He sighed, feeling a fresh wave of tears threaten to loose themselves against his brief composure.  


“You always were stubborn,” the voice spoke again, this time close enough to his ears to cause him to flinch. Cloud almost fell off the cliff right then and there – he whipped around and used a jutted-out rock to ricochet him to his feet. He squeezed his fists tight, ready for whomever had snuck up behind him. Only…there wasn’t anybody there.  


“Who’s there?” he called out, groaning inwardly at the dangerous wavering his tone supplied. “Show yourself.”  


It was quiet. Dust lazily rolled around his ankles and off the cliffside behind him. The rocks didn’t move. Nothing stirred.  


“If you insist,” the voice said liltingly, and Cloud felt a bone-cold chill slip down his spine. Appearing out of thin air in front of him, surrounding him, was a soft glow of light. Dust swirled at his feet, pulling around his ankles and drifting to the solidifying figure. Cloud held his arms out, watching as specks of dirt teased around his body before drawing away, all to fill the void of light that was growing which each passing moment. The dust was forming, coloring, turning corporeal. Soon, he could see hands and feet. He saw strands of hair tucked into a plait. A familiar dress in a shade of light pink came into view next, followed by the signature red of the jacket. Finally, his eyes found in her eyes the brightest shade of green and in her lips the smallest, kindest smile. His mouth fell open, agape.  


“Heya,” she said simply, crossing her hands in front of her. She looked down at them and peered up through her eyelashes.  


“I – _how is this possible?_ ” Cloud breathed, all thoughts of sadness temporarily washed away by the sheer joy that his heart thumped out inside his chest. Aerith – or the form of Aerith – let out a laugh that was pure music to his ears. She approached him.  


“Why don’t we sit,” she suggested, deflecting his question with one of her own. She gestured to where he had just been sitting, before folding her legs and sinking to the ground. Cloud remained standing, staring at her. His mind hadn’t caught up completely yet.  


“I don’t have all day, Cloud,” she urged gently, smile faltering. “Please let me enjoy this time.”  


Cloud quickly sat, propping one let up and leaning on it as he stared at her mutely. He couldn’t take his eyes off her.  


“How have you been?” she asked gently, staring at the remains of Midgar in the distance. Cloud followed her gaze to the once shining city.  


“Not great,” he admitted, ghosts of tears still drying on his face. “I’m finally figuring out who I am. But I don’t know if I want to know.”  


“I get it,” she said, swinging her feet back and forth. “You’ve had a busy month.”  


Cloud coughed a quick laugh, dry and humorless. “That’s an understatement.”  


Aerith hummed in reply, still staring ahead. Her form flickered slightly, and Cloud realized that she must be using energy to remain here, corporeal, for him. His heart thumped a small beat.  


“What am I supposed to do now?” he asked, swinging both legs down and staring down the cliff. “It’s over, Sephiroth is dead…you’re gone. Zack is gone. I’ve ruined everything.”  


“It isn’t your fault, Cloud,” Aerith sighed. “You know that. And I’m okay. See?” She spread her arms out and turned her torso towards him, showing him that she was indeed okay. Her skin was clear, her dress was clean, and her eyes were shining. She was absolutely beautiful.  


“You were wrong, you know,” he blurted out then. Aerith smiled and dropped her arms, returning them to her lap.  


“Maybe,” she replied. “About what?”  


Cloud stared at her, drinking in her image, trying to burn it into his memory forever.  


“It is real,” he told her quietly. “It doesn’t matter what I think. I know that…how I feel about you is real.”  


Aerith looked down at her hands, expression hidden behind her hair.  


“I know,” she sighed. “I was hoping you wouldn’t get too attached to me, so that when the time came…”  


“I wouldn’t be a mess?” he laughed dryly, turning his head to wipe another tear quickly. “That’s not how it works, and you know it.”  


“Can’t blame a girl for trying,” she joked half-heartedly, smiling over at him again. Her smile was radiating. “I didn’t want you to be in pain, Cloud. I wanted you to move on with your life. I want you to be happy.”  


Cloud gave a hefty sigh and leaned back on his hand again.  


“I know,” he muttered. “I’m working on it. Stages of grief and all that.”  


It was silent for a few moments as they watched the setting sun together.  


“Zack wants you to be happy too, you know.”  


Cloud whipped his head to stare at her, comprehension dawning.  


“Zack is with you?”  


Aerith nodded slightly.  


“This is where he died, isn’t it?” she asked carefully, looking around them. “I remember us being here after we left Midgar.”  


“Yeah.” Cloud swallowed. “This is where he died. I needed to see it for myself, to try and remember… I lost five years of my life and so much of it was with Zack. I wish I could remember.”  


“Maybe it’s best you don’t,” she said sadly. “Those weren’t happy years. But Zack had you and that made the time more bearable.”  


“Even if I was fucking comatose?” he snapped, the stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve been on edge since everything ended.”  


“Stages of grief,” Aerith reminded him. He nodded. The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon now. A darkening sky was marching over their heads, threatening to extinguish the rest of the warmth of the day and bring on a cool, crisp night.  


“Will you visit again?” Cloud asked quietly, his eyes sliding over to her form again. Aerith was looking at him.  


“I’m not sure if I can,” she replied honestly, raising her hands slightly in a slight shrug. “But I’ll always be with you, Cloud. I hope you know that.”  


Cloud reached out with his hand and touched hers. She was real, at least for now. She met his eyes. Then he leaned in and gave her a kiss. She didn’t taste like dust or like air, but rather like Aerith would taste – like warmth and flowers and sunshine. As he pulled away, he felt another traitor tear leak from his eye.  


“I need to go now,” Aerith told him, her voice calm and reassuring. “But you will make it through this, Cloud. You will be okay. And you will find happiness. That is the legacy I want to leave you with.”  


A faint memory in the back recesses of Cloud’s mind stirred at her words. He didn’t have time to dive into it, but the memory comforted him like a blanket, a reminder that he would never be alone no matter what.  


“Thank you,” he said sincerely, reaching out and pulling her into a hug. She squeaked a bit but returned it with vigor, and Cloud realized his shirt was suddenly damp.  


“Thank you, Cloud,” she returned as she pulled away and stared at his face, running a hand along his cheek. “You have given me enough happiness for many lifetimes.”  


He reached out to grab her hand, but it was already disappearing into dust again. Slowly, her body turned into the dirt and the air, the last to leave being her kind, smiling eyes. And then, suddenly, Cloud was alone again.  


He turned back to face the desolated city once more, the hollow spot in his chest feeling a bit less empty.


End file.
